


i could never run away from you (for long)

by dreampatrol



Series: and just like that, it's love [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mild Angst, Pining, Slow Burn, but also fluff, guess who falls first, it's kind of obvious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 09:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11711391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreampatrol/pseuds/dreampatrol
Summary: Bokuto is certain about his future. He'spositiveAkaashi will be a part of it - just not in the way he expects.





	i could never run away from you (for long)

It’s summer. Bokuto, seven years old, sits outside, staring bored at a picture book. Cartoon drawings of pretty green trees and golden beaches are scattered about, but none seem to interest him. Instead, he turns toward the younger boy next to him.

“What’s that?” He points toward Akaashi’s book, one different from his. He shows the cover, a night full of stars and an owl.

“I love owls.” Bokuto smiles, pumping his fists up into the air. A warm breeze passes by, bringing flower petals and the fresh smell of mowed grass with it. 

"Me too," His friend mumbles, flopping onto his back next to Bokuto, holding the book in front of him. He's remarkably happy. Akaashi doesn't talk much, and even if it was just a simple comment, he feels special because of it.

"Boys! Lunch is ready!" His mom calls out from across the lawn.

"'Kaashi, hurry up!" In a split second, Bokuto's on his feet and grabbing Akaashi by the arm.

"I'm hurrying!" He grumbles, but doesn't pull his arm away.

 

~~~

 

They met up at lunch, staring at the blue sky and finding pictures in the clouds. Bokuto said he saw an owl, but Akaashi said it looked more like a deformed boot, causing him to pout.

"Hey, 'Kaashi, you're coming to my house after school!" Bokuto grins excitedly. He's eight now.

"My mom said we were going to mine," Akaashi squints at him.

"Oh, is that what she said?" He laughs, one that is so very infectious. It even makes Akaashi smile, for the smallest moment.

"Yeah, stupid." Bokuto feels an elbow in his hip, and howls in pain.

"Ow! What was that for?" He shouts.

"Being stupid, stupid. Pay attention."

"Bully." Bokuto blows an unruly piece of hair out of his face. At this point, he's already used to Akaashi's brutal honesty.

They're still next door neighbors - they have been since they were babies. Bokuto thought Akaashi was a good listener and Akaashi had no one else - they stuck together ever since.

 

~~~

 

Bokuto is 11 and afraid of graduating in a year. Will Akaashi be okay without him? Bokuto's sure he's going to miss his friend.

He declares these concerns when they're doing homework in his room.

"Bokuto-san, you dummy," Akaashi shakes his head, dark brown curls moving with it, "We still live next to each other, and it's so many years until college. We're never going to drift apart."

"Huh," He says, scribbling his name on yet another worksheet. "Sorry. I guess you're right," He laughs but it's a hollow one, feels dumb being consoled by someone younger.

"Don't be," His friend mutters, grabbing a folder out of his backpack.

Maybe he should stop worrying so much, he thinks to himself. He can't help it, though. He'd feel sad if he couldn't see his friend's small-but-definitely-there smiles.

 

~~~

 

Bokuto misses his friend. Sure, he's in junior high and he's made some new friends but they're not the same. Akaashi comes over for dinner every once in a while, but it isn't enough. Nothing is like it used to be.

While his family states he's been happier once his social circles widened, Bokuto thinks the opposite. It all feels like a sham. He wants to be able to complain to Akaashi about everything and anything under the sun. Akaashi would tell him he was dumb but try to help.

His friends only talk about girls, and while Bokuto doesn't really care, he joins in when they giggle about the cute one who passed them in the hall.

His only real friend in his grade, Kuroo, is a little rude, but it's nothing he can't handle. _His_ best friend, Kenma, moved far away from Tokyo. He must have it worse, Bokuto thinks.

"That really sucks," He thinks about Akaashi, and how he at least had some contact with him.

"Yeah." Kuroo understands how it feels to be so _disconnected_.

They bond over mutual lonliness, even if it's never mentioned again.

 

~~~

 

"You're going to be in the same school as me!" Bokuto nearly screeches, jumping around on his bed at Akaashi's announcement.

"I know, I just said that." Despite the comment, his dark blue eyes glimmer.

"I've missed you _so_ much, Keiji, you don't understand-"

"I think I do, Bo."

Bokuto could have sworn his smile reached the stars that day. He should have known that it wasn't the end of their friendship. It was obvious they'd always find a way to make it work, no matter what.

"I'm so excited!" He doesn't shut up for the rest of the night. He lost Akaashi once, and he definitely doesn't want that to happen again.

Bokuto tells Kuroo when they're walking home from school.

"I want to meet this guy that's _so much better_ than me," He raises his eyebrows, using air quotes.

"This isn't a competition, Kuroo," Bokuto laughs, "You two are equally as brutal. I don't know how I handle it." He groans dramatically, closing his eyes and turning away.

"Says the one who calls me at 3am every other night bouncing off the damn walls," Kuroo shoves Bokuto, but it's harmless.

"What can I say? I love caffeine but it doesn't love me."

Kuroo notices how happy Bokuto has been ever since he found out. He's only a bit jealous.

 

~~~

 

Akaashi somehow brings Kuroo under his wing as well. Bokuto was scared Akaashi wouldn't like him, but he begrudgingly agreed to walk home with them.

Things start to work like cogs in a machine once again. Bokuto and Akaashi are still the closest, but they can tell if Kuroo is feeling down or needs some company. It's never an issue. Until Akaashi starts acting . . . _strange._

Bokuto doesn't mention it, but things change after his friend turns 14. It's subtle, and Kuroo says he never notices a difference, but his persona is off.

Maybe it's the little things. He can't keep eye contact, his comebacks aren't as mean and sharp. Is he sick? There's no way, he thinks, it's been like this for months. They have no secrets in their friendship. It's just a given to tell the other every single little detail - Akaashi knows everything about him.

One night, when the stars are out and shining, Bokuto calls him.

"Hey hey _hey,_ Keiji!" He shouts into the microphone.

"Bokuto-san, it's 12:00 in the morning. Aren't your parents sleeping?" Akaashi sounds tired, but doesn't say so.

"They're out doing . . ." He tries to remember, "I actually don't know. They told me, but I can't remember."

Akaashi lets out one of his laughs, and Bokuto can't help but smile. "You really need to pay attention more, Bo. What if something actually happens?"

"The only thing that could happen is you acting _weird_ like you have been for the past few months," Bokuto blurts.

There's silence on the other end. He didn't mean to say that, _he didn't mean to say that-_

"I'm sorry?" Bokuto can hear him frowning on the other line. He should be apoloigizing right now. Why can't he say anything?

"I-" He starts. _I'm sorry._ "I just noticed you've been acting different recently, like, has anything happened?" That works too, he thinks.

"No," Akaashi's voice is steely, "I'm fine. I always act like this. 'Weird.'"

 _Drop it._ "Come on, Keiji, I know something's up. You're my best friend, you can't just not tell me!" He's screwing this up. He's screwing everything up, and he doesn't know how to fix it.

"That's exactly _why_ I can't tell you," Akaashi sighs, but he's still angry. Even Bokuto is a little angry, and that's a rare sight.

"What, you don't trust me?" He's always been loud, but this time there's a reason behind it. Akaashi was a terrible liar, and not only did he admit that there was something wrong but that he was _intentionally hiding it from Bokuto._

"I do trust you," Akaashi sounds shaky, but not mad, "I just can't tell you this one thing. Is everything else not enough for you?"

"I don't even know what "everything else" is anymore. Is it me? Have I been doing something wrong, Akaashi?" Bokuto has never felt more torn apart inside.

"It's . . ." Akaashi is scared. Bokuto managed to _scare_ the most calm, levelheaded person he knows. "It's hard to explain, I'm sorry."

So it _is_. He doesn't even know what he did. The scoff that escapes him isn't intentional. "You should be."

He hangs up. If he said he didn't call up Kuroo in tears that night, he'd be a liar.

 

~~~

 

They don't really talk after that. Bokuto's mom knows better than to ask him what happened with Akaashi - she knows he's going to break down from the pressure eventually, but she refuses to force it.

Kenma is moving back to Tokyo, and while Kuroo is on cloud nine, he keeps some of it to himself. Bokuto still misses his best friend, and it would be cruel to push it in his face.

Bokuto puts on the biggest smile he can for everyone. He's the giant fun-loving idiot everyone expects him to be; his classmates believe it, his teachers believe it, and it's so damn _empty_ but he's getting by.

He passes Akaashi a lot in the halls. He always looks like he wants to tell Bokuto something, and it kills him, but he's stubborn as hell and refuses to stop and listen. Akaashi was always the better listener, anyway.

He makes it through his first year with Kuroo, talks with Kenma sometimes, but never really forgets Akaashi. He remembers when Akaashi said they'd never drift apart, and his whole body is in a constant state of ache. 

High school is demanding, and he desperately needs someone who he can talk to. Kuroo cares more than he realizes, but he has Kenma now. Bokuto already feels enough like a burden.

Akaashi's parents invite a few families over for a barbecue, his included. He tells his mom he's sick, but she knows him too well. _You're going, and that's that,_ she says.

It's awkward. The only other person under 25 was an infant, leaving Bokuto and Akaashi to sit in the grass and wonder who's going to start talking first. Bokuto wonders if he can fix things.

"Keiji, this is just like old times!" He laughs, but he's in _so much pain,_ "Why did we ever stop talking in the first place?"

Akaashi won't stop looking down, tying blades of green grass into knots and discarding them. "You know exactly why." He throws one at Bokuto, giving him the smallest of glances, "You're being so fake, it's painful."

His smile, the million-dollar one that he'd perfected in the past year, falters. "Easy for you to say," Bokuto mutters, lying on his back to look at the clouds, "It obviously hasn't bothered you in the slightest."

Akaashi tenses, and he stops fiddling. "Bokuto-san," He tries to start talking. Was he finally going to explain?

"I mean, look at you. Star student and athlete, all of the _friends_ you've gotten . . ." Bokuto always had to open his mouth and blabber on and on, always about himself, always about him, "Maybe we should have stopped talking a while ago. You could have been so much happier for so much longer."

" _Koutaro!_ " Akaashi shouts. In all nine years of knowing him, Bokuto had never heard him raise the voice. How great it was to know that he was the one who caused him to do it. "Do you only ever think about yourself?"

He turns towards Bokuto, whose back is facing him, "You have no _idea_ what I've been going through. You dense asshole, Bokuto, I couldn't tell you because . . ." He trails off, but he's got Bokuto's attention.

"Because?" They finally make eye contact, lasting longer and holding so much meaning than it usually did.

"Bokuto, I'm gay," Akaashi says, breaking the stare and looks at his fingers.

"Oh," He breathes. That was why they stopped being friends? He would have accepted Akaashi, no matter what. Hell, Bokuto himself has no idea what his sexuality is. "That's it?"

He wants to hear a yes.

"No."

"Then what is it? Keiji, I've been hurting for so damn long. I've _missed_ you. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, bisexual, whatever. You know that," He uses his hands while he's talking, waving them all around, "I was so sure I'd be by your side until we got old, you even told me so!" The last time he cried, it was one in the morning and he was listening to Kuroo's low voice through the speaker. It was all because of Akaashi.

"I thought it was for the best," Akaashi runs his hands through his deep locks that Bokuto can't help but stare at, "I was trying so hard not to hurt you." His voice cracks.

"Keiji, what -"

"Kotarou, I'm in love with you." Bokuto's eyes widen - they feel like they're going to pop out of his skull. "I thought maybe there was a chance, I had this droplet of hope that maybe you were too. But the way you called me your _friend_ that night and every one before it, I just -" Akaashi's voice is raw. "I don't know. I'm sorry, if I had more time I could have . . ."

Bokuto stops paying attention when Akaashi tries to explain himself. _Akaashi is in love with him._

"For how long?" He interrupts, apologetic he can't respond with something better.

"Ever since I've known your name," Akaashi smiles, but he's sad. "I didn't understand what I was feeling until I was 14."

Bokuto thinks about how long he's really known Akaashi for.

_When they were still learning to read, and Akaashi let Bokuto read his about owls instead of his boring one on seasons._

_The year he began translating Akaashi's "mean" words into what they really were; words of worry, compassion._

_How Akaashi was always there to listen, always there to give advice when Bokuto was scared or angry._

_Those times Akaashi got_ so _uncomfortable once Bokuto's friends started teasing them about having crushes and . . ._ girls.

How Bokuto is finding Akaashi really pretty, sitting there in the sun but looking so broken and he just wants to reach out and-

Bokuto's hand moves on its own, finding itself on Akaashi's shoulder instead of his cheek.

"That's what you couldn't tell me?" All those years together, and he never even knew.

Akaashi looks so ready to be hurt, frowning but just barely keeping his I-don't-care expression.

"If . . ." Bokuto tries to word it correctly, "If you told me then, I don't think I would have ran away," He's embarrassed, so he starts to pull his hand away, but Akaashi holds it in place. The smallest bit of hope crosses his features.

"I swear, if you're just toying with me right now -" He looks angry, dropping his hands from stopping Bokuto.

"I would never, not about something like this," His hand moves to Akaashi's cheek, and they find themselves getting closer and closer.

"Kou," Akaashi whispers, and in a second, they're kissing.

Bokuto never expected his first kiss to be with his best friend - maybe with that third year girl who smiled at him and complimented his hair, but not with Akaashi, not like this. He didn't expect himself to be the one who initiated it, the one who didn't want it to stop, the one who _never realized how much they wanted this._ Maybe Akaashi was right when he said they'd always be together.

They pull apart, and all Bokuto can seem to do is stare at him. Up close, Akaashi looks like a god; absolutely, shockingly beautiful.

"You know what, Keiji?" He holds him in an embrace, fingers still running through the other's hair, "I think I'm in love with you, too."

He isn't sure if Akaashi is still breathing or not, so he lets go. "Hello?" He laughs, heart beating a thousand kilometers a minute -

Akaashi is _smiling._ Not his usual tiny smirks or crooked, sarcastic grins - a full-on, "I'm really fucking happy" smile that is one in 7.5 billion. Every problem Bokuto's ever had is immediately solved in that second.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're really pretty? Because you are," He looks away from the work of art that is Akaashi's smile. He feels as if his whole face is red after admitting that.

Akaashi puffs out a breath of silent laughter, and they hold each other.

"I'm sorry I blamed you," Bokuto admits.

"I'm sorry I ran away from you," Akaashi returns.

But it's okay. Everything is finally going to be okay, because they both know that no matter what, one can never last for long without the other.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> i hope this turned out well?? i was just messing around so if they seem ooc i'm sorry


End file.
